NINA. Why do you say that you have kissed the ground I walked on?
You should kill me rather. [She bends over the table] I am so
tired. If I could only rest--rest. [She raises her head] I am a
sea-gull--no--no, I am an actress. [She hears ARKADINA and
TRIGORIN laughing in the distance, runs to the door on the left
and looks through the keyhole] He is there too. [She goes back to
TREPLIEFF] Ah, well--no matter. He does not believe in the
theatre; he used to laugh at my dreams, so that little by little
I became down-hearted and ceased to believe in it too. Then came
all the cares of love, the continual anxiety about my little one,
so that I soon grew trivial and spiritless, and played my parts
without meaning. I never knew what to do with my hands, and I
could not walk properly or control my voice. You cannot imagine
the state of mind of one who knows as he goes through a play how
terribly badly he is acting. I am a sea-gull--no--no, that is not
what I meant to say. Do you remember how you shot a seagull
once? A man chanced to pass that way and destroyed it out of
idleness. That is an idea for a short story, but it is not what I
meant to say. [She passes her hand across her forehead] What was
I saying? Oh, yes, the stage. I have changed now. Now I am a real
actress. I act with joy, with exaltation, I am intoxicated by it,
and feel that I am superb. I have been walking and walking, and
thinking and thinking, ever since I have been here, and I feel
the strength of my spirit growing in me every day. I know now, I
understand at last, Constantine, that for us, whether we write or
act, it is not the honour and glory of which I have dreamt that
is important, it is the strength to endure. One must know how to
bear one's cross, and one must have faith. I believe, and so do
not suffer so much, and when I think of my calling I do not fear
life.
